Substance of Hope

I'm on night watch in the lodge at Delta Lake. And, for once, everything is still. In the midst of the summer, my schedule is so tiring and fast-paced that the sudden halt in activity is refreshing. Nothing is moving--no cars, kids, or campers. There is nowhere for me to be, there are no distractions.

Yet there is something within me, a constant longing, that won't be stilled. And, though hours remain until morning, I feel like I need more time. Honestly, my heart does not mirror the peace of this night.

It's hard to let my heart shine through all these layers of insecurity. I pretend to be whole, but when I finally remove these temporary bandages, I can still see my gaping wounds. Even worse, so many days, I believe that I'm pretty good. My heart hardens with pride and I believe I'm above saving. Maybe I like the loud and busy things because they help me ignore the wounds on my heart.

And so, I've become unwilling to surrender my heart to God's searching, prodding, and transforming. My pride has kept me from entrusting my clay heart to the Potter. As a result, I've become fearful of the very throneroom I had once delighted in. I have resorted to dead, fleshly ways and turned away from my Beloved.

I certainly cannot change this fearful and doubtful heart on my own. So what am I supposed to do? This question has haunted me for months. But God, in His gentleness, has shown me what I must do. And this "doing" that He requires doesn't seem like much.

"Trust me."

Okay, so maybe I was over-thinking this a little bit. It's so simple! Of course I knew that I'm supposed to trust God, but now I see how much I need to--and how much I've held back from Him because of my lack of faith. The funny thing is that, all week, I've been teaching my campers to have faith and to take God at His word.

Since when do we worry whether or not the sun will rise every morning? And isn't God much more faithful than the sun? So let's trust Him today. Let's trust that He will be faithful to all His promises: that He will heal us and bind up our wounds. You don't have to literally wait for the sunrise like I am doing today, but you can trust that God will come as surely as the sun.

"Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart." (Hebrews 12:1-3)