My Paper Heart

"The poor will see and be glad—you
who seek God, may your hearts live!"
Psalm 69:32

I've spent too many days only half-alive. I've been breathing, living, moving . . . but not really being alive. Oh, I have wasted so many precious days! How many hours were spent mindlessly going through the motions? In my pride and unwillingness, I had surrendered the life that once was in me. I succumbed to the attractions and temptations of this fleeting world. Somewhere in the chaos, I lost my heart. My thin, fragile paper heart lay in the gutter, soaked and ripped in half. I lost something that day it fluttered down into the street. I lost my true love. I lost everything.

"Whoever finds his life will lose it, and
whoever loses his life for my sake will find it."
Matthew 10:39

Oh, how foolish I was! I lived with my eyes half-shut; I let myself slip into the downward cycle of complacency. I was without passion, and without the will to return. The enemy was at work! He distracted me with the promises and superficial beauties of this world. He laughed as he saw me fall. His malicious lies led me astray, and I felt no desire to return to my true Love. But still, there was a tugging on my soul that I could not ignore. Slowly---painstakingly slowly---God began to restore me.

"Come, let us return to the LORD.
He has torn us to pieces but he will heal us;
he has injured us but he will bind up our wounds.
After two days he will revive us; on the third day he will
restore us, that we may live in his presence. Let us
acknowledge the LORD; let us press on to acknowledge
him. As surely as the sun rises, he will appear; he will
come to us like the winter rains, like the spring
rains that water the earth."
Hosea 6:1-3

But God's eyes were on me the whole time. Even though he had millions of perfectly good, whole paper hearts, he saw me. And He took my tattered, soggy paper heart from the gutter, though it was dirty and torn. I will never know just what Jesus sees in me, but he loves me infinitely more than I could ever imagine or comprehend. Even though he didn't have to, he saved me from death. He found my heart. And you know what? I'm not going to keep it for myself again. I'm going to give it back to Him.

"Teach me your way, O LORD, and I will walk in your truth; give me an undivided heart, that I may fear your name." Psalm 86:11